Wednesday, July 13, 2011

You want to spend how much on a dress???

Most everyone here knows that I am cheap. My family knows I am. My kids know I am. I was hoping some of that had rubbed off on our kids. They did live with us PART of the time they were growing up, so I kept hoping. Honestly, they are more frugal than some of their friends, but sometimes I want to scratch my head.

I told you about Samantha's recent engagement. Well, she has started planning here wedding. They plan to wait until next March to get married so they can save up their money for the wedding. Knowing that Samantha and John have been living on little income over the last year made me think that they would be having a small, inexpensive wedding.

What was I thinking?!

Samantha sent Bob an email about the ceremony venue she is considering. $1000! Just for the venue rental. And she is planning to have the reception at a pizza restaurant. The ceremony venue includes nothing else. Just the rental to hold the ceremony there.  Bob came and asked me if she thought WE were paying for the wedding. I told him that she knows how cheap I am and if she wanted our help, she had better ask for it before making plans. When she told us they were engaged, she said that they would not be inviting everyone in the world, since they were paying for it. To me, that did not sound like a request for assistance.

Plus, we have not let our kids know that we have money in the bank. As far as they know, we are poor, poor, poor.

We do plan to give them money as a wedding gift and they can use it to pay for whatever they want. Knowing Samantha, it would be for anything but an expensive wedding.

BUT then she posts on Facebook a link to the dress she wants. $1000! OMG! For a dress! For one day! I know, I know, a lot of people spend that and much more. But we are not a lot of people. We do not have money to pay for a multi thousand dollar wedding. Well, we could....but we won't.

I didn't comment on the dress, but Sam's mom did. She said it was pretty, but that was a lot to spend for a dress for one day and that she was sure Sam could find something that she loved equally as well for a lot less. Once upon a time, I would have offered to make the dress, as it is a very simple design. But it has been many years since I sewed clothing and even longer since I sewed formal wear. So I think she best find something less expensive.

I don't want to sound even cheaper than I already do, but we have already given Samantha a lot more money than we have ever given the other kids and there is a fairness factor to consider.

So please cross your fingers that Sam is only fantasizing right now and will find some more budget friendly ideas for her wedding.


Callista said...

im getting married at the end of this month. we decided to put our money into a down payment for a house instead of the wedding so here is how we are cutting costs:
1. get married at the court house - $35
2. shop the sales at Davids Bridal for a dress - $500 (more than i wanted to spend but im a bigger girl and my size sale dresses are always yucky)
3. have a photographer friend take pretty pics in a nice location - $100/hr
4. have a group dinner at Olive Garden for about 13 people - $300

so we have tons of money left over for furnishing our house and planning to have an after-wedding house party when we are settled in :) why spend all your money on one day when you can spend it on a lifetime investment :)

Mark said...

Tell her to save her money and go "all out" on her next wedding.
Your Friend, m.
P.S. Callista's very wise. She nailed it. m.

Annie Jones said...

We all but eloped. I mean, everyone knew we were getting married, but we just took off to a resort area and got hitched by family or friends present. I wouldn't have it any other way, but I know that's not for everyone.

Our entire wedding...clothes, cute cabin rental for a couple of nights, very darling chapel rental, "Rent-A-Reverend" fees, photographer and marriage license probably didn't set us back more than $1000. Had we invited a few guests, say in the neighborhood of 20 (the chapel would have held about that many), with a simple cake and punch reception, it probably would have only cost us $100-$200 more. Figure in inflation over the 11+ years we've been married, we could probably still do it again for $2K.

Just sayin...there are frugal ways to have very nice, small weddings. And I'm with Callista...if you have the money, spend it on the rest of your life, not just the one day.

Anonymous said...

Oh, I'm planning a wedding too! Kara is planning on July, also she lives in Florida and plans on getting married here. She's hoping for July 14th, if she can get the hall she wants. David's(her fiance) uncle owns it and are hoping to get it cheap or as a wedding gift. My fingers are crossed. We will be moving on from be comtinued

SonyaAnn said...

"Honestly, they are more frugal than some of their friends, but sometimes I want to scratch my head."-I do the same thing. Maybe it just will take a bit longer for them.
I think that once the bills start pouring in, things will change. I'm sure of it. And I don't think that it is your responsibility to help pay for anything. And I cry poor here all the time but I think that I will continue even if we ever have money.

spaghetti0625 said...

I think she's watching WAY too much TV!!!!!

$1000 for the CEREMONY alone is RIDICULOUS! We got married in a church and had to make a 'donation' for $200 or so. We also had to get our own organ player was well, which was like $100. We also had to 'tip' the altar boy/girl as was all under $500 which I shuffled my feet about, but it DID go to my church (my sister works there) and I know my kids will eventually go there as well, so it's not all bad....but just the VENUE is absurd!!!!!

$1000 for a dress, depending on the maker of the dress and all the bells and whistles isn't that bad IMHO. Mine cost about that much as well, but my mom paid for it. She did the same thing she did for my sister's wedding, so she paid for the gown and all (tiara and headpiece I won at Fortunoff during one of their wedding events...go me!) I went to a mom and pop place first, saw the dress I WANTED on a mannequin, asked them to take it down, as well as a few others....tried on the one I liked the most first and it was THE was PERFECT. My mom had set up a fitting at Vera Wang as well (just to get the 'wedding treament') Let me tell you. I had gowns on that cost upwards of $20k! And I didn't like ANY of them on me! Tell her too that alterations on a wedding gown is VERY costly as well!

Wedding's can be a lot of money, and Callista nailed it perfectly. If I could do it all over again, I don't know if I'd do the whole bells and whistles thing. It was so much planning, headache, etc for just a few hours that felt like it went by in seconds. But I enjoyed my wedding....I greeted my guests at cocktail hour (while take food off their plates b/c I was hungry) and I danced my booty off on the dance floor the ENTIRE time. It was MY wedding, I paid for it (1/3 of it...we all split it) so I wanted to enjoy it :)

She may need a reality check though....she may be watching too much TV where everyone gets what they want....and that will take a hit on the wallet!

Frances said...

Whew! I was a little worried that everyone would think I was a Scrooge or something.

It might be different if both John and Samantha had great paying jobs, but Sam graduated in November and she is just working part time. Because she likes the hours. She doesn't even want a full time job! John is an electrician, but as a contractor his hours vary. Last week, he only worked 27 hours.

And their living situation needs to be improved before they plan a blow out wedding. I think I will just have to write a new post to give you all more juicy details. And what we spent when Bob and I got married.

slugmama said...

Frances, Just because people spend insane amounts of money on a wedding ceremony/reception/honeymoon doesn't mean it's prudent or wise, so don't go thinking how you view this is odd or out of step with the world.

People, especially people in debt or with little financial resources shouldn't be spending lots of money on a wedding. Heck, I hear about couples who go into debt for a wedding day and spend decades paying it off when they really need the money later for living expenses. Not very sensible...

Even if I did have tons of money when I got married, I wouldn't have spent it on a lavish wedding.
Maybe Sam will come around before she plunks down tons of cash on a dress and a venue deposit.

And y'all don't "owe" your kids a paid for wedding, just like you don't owe them a paid for college education so stick to your guns.

Maybe having a meeting of the couple with all the parents(both y'all and the groom-to-be's parents)to hash out who is paying for what(or NOT paying for what!lol)is a good idea. If his folks are of a similar mindset as you and Bob, perhaps all of y'all can talk some sense into the kids. ;-)

McVal said...

I am so right there with you! My son is getting married and they can't afford anything as she has no money either. How on earth are they going to do this???

Frances said...

Thanks, all for making me feel less scroogy!