Thursday, June 24, 2010

"I have a favor to ask. But you can say no."

Don't you hate it when you get a call from someone saying this?

I do.

My MIL called me at work today. (I don't know why she didn't call Hubby at home, but she didn't.) She gave me the favor line. Then told me that Meredith (our oldest) called MIL to tell her that Billy (Meredith's hubby from whom she is separated.) sent her a text that he could not take the boys this weekend because he needs to study.

You're a dad now. You study around your kids.


OF COURSE, MIL said yes. She would be happy to take them. Then she immediately calls me, because she had something special going on at church and wanted to know if Hubby and I would take the Theo and Wyatt on Saturday night and Sunday.

Well.....I love my grandkids. I love having them visit. I don't love MIL volunteering to take them, then calling us to bail her out. This is what started a giant feud back in January.

She said that she hopes that Billy doesn't start doing this all the time, since he did the same thing a couple of weekends ago. I told her that he would as long as she keeps agreeing to keep the boys. Of course, MIL "just wants to help". I told her that Billy has family, too, that can help out and that it is his responsibility as a dad to take his boys once in a while.

I also told MIL that she should not say yes when she has other plans. She said she didn't have any plans.

Ummmmm.....then why are you calling me. (No, I did NOT say that out loud.)

So, of course we are going to take them. We really love having them. If Meredith had called, we would probably have been thrilled to say yes. It is just this thing with MIL volunteering to do it, then us having to step in because she had plans.

It is a good thing for all that Hubby and I don't ever have plans. Huh?


SonyaAnn said...

I have a plan!!! Usually someone gets hurt when I say that.
Call Bill and/or someone in his family and say the exact same thing. I think that would put an end to it. I know that you love the boys and it has nothing to do with them. It's just the fact that someone said yes and it becomes your problem.

Frances said...

Hi, SonyaAnn! Unfortunately, there will be no end to it as long as MIL can get around. She will never say no to one of her grandkids.

Annie Jones said...

I hope I'm not overstepping here, but as much as you love having your grandkids around, I think this will also continue as long as you and your hubby keep saying yes to MIL.

Maybe you should make sure you "have plans" next time she asks.

Frances said...

You are not overstepping, Annie Jones.

We don't always say yes. LOL! That is why we had a mini feud in our family. When Hubby and I had other plans, we DID say no. My sis-in-law didn't like that. Too bad. We don't need her approval.

We tend to "have plans" more often than not. Really, we DO!

Pam said...

Good grief! I know you love your grandkids but you shouldn't be volunteered by your mil. Wonder what she would have done if you'd said no?

Frances said...

Hi, Pam. If we had said no, then MIL would have skipped her thing at church. That is just how she is about her grandkids. She will drop any of her plans to do something for them.

slugmama said...

The pushy broad in PA says you should have had 'plans'. And have 'plans' anytime you don't want to be guilted into keeping the kids. Like someone else said, it's not about the's about the boundaries between ya'll and your MIL. If she is totally a martyr about the grandkids then let her be a martyr.
And too bad about what Sis IL thinks...let her make her nephew 'man up' and make arrangements for his own kids when he has to study...instead of making his MIL keep them.

Yes, I am cold and heartless. ;-)

Heck, if you want give me their numbers and I'll tell em!!lol

Frances said...

Don't worry, Sluggy, we are not being imposed upon. We didn't let MIL GUILT us in to taking the boys. We talked about it and decided we would like to see them.

Sorry if it sounded like we were guilted into it. She might try, but it doesn't work.
Hubby has no problem telling ANYONE that he has other plans. Heck, even if we don't have other plans, sometimes he has said we do.

As for the baby daddy "manning up", I don't think he will do that as long as MIL says yes. What can I say, our kids learned long ago that MIL is a pushover.

Frances said...

Oh, and Sluggy, you are not cold and heartless. You sound just like me. LOL!

Queenie Jeannie said...

It's funny that you should blog about this, because I have the same bone to pick myself. If you are going to open your big mouth and volunteer....THEN FOLLOW THROUGH!! I just got bailed on myself, at the last minute and didn't even get a phone call to tell me I'd been bailed on. I'm seriously ticked off right now and this could be the straw that broke this friendship's back...

...sometimes people just suck and you have to deal with it. Not fair. Not fun.

Enjoy your time and do something extra special!!! FOR SHAME on the Dad!! Some men need to learn what sacrifice means!

Frances said...

Hi, Jeannie! Thanks for stopping by. Sorry you got bailed on! I sure hope things work out for you.

You are right. Sometimes life sucks and you just deal with it.

Sadly, I think many young parents find it entirely to easy to ditch their kids for other things.

McVal said...

I know you love your grandkids, but that sucks! Her volunteering, then volunteering you... I would probably call Bill and let them know that Mom can't take care of his kids after all... And you won't be available... Would that be awful?
My MIL is exactly the same way. She'll never say no to anyone except us... and we usually get stuck with her plans because she lives here...

Frances said...

Hi, McVal! Thanks for coming to see me.

I am rather surprised that Mere hasn't told Billy to suck it up and be a dad. I guess it would be worse if they were already divorced and he was only taking them "dad" weekends. But he actually does take the boys almost every weekend, since Mere works weekends.

And it is possible that the actual conversation was a whole lot differnt than MIL's interpretation. That has been the case before.

It could have been "Could you take the boys one night so Billy can study?" and MIL replying, "Oh, I will just take them for the whole weekend."

And MIL has told Meredith that she will take the boys ANY TIME. I was there and heard her.

SonyaAnn said...

Just popped over to say hi and see if anything new or exciting is going on.
Have a happy weekend and I know that you will have fun with the grand kids.

Frances said...

Nothing exciting, yet, SonyaAnn. Just trying to figure out how to schedule grocery shopping with getting kids. Hubby told MIL that we would come around 1 today and have lunch, then bring the kids home this afternoon. I guess I will have to get the shopping in this mornging. Fun, fun!

And we try to go see MIL as often as we can. Since FIL passed away, she really is pretty lonely and she loves to have anyone come visit. That's why it is hard to be irritated with her over this whole weekend fiasco.

Debbie said...

I'm still stuck on your title. I say that to people all the time. But I really mean it when I say it. It really is OK to say no to me. I'm wondering what I should say or do instead!

Frances said...

Don't worry, Debbie. People KNOW when you really mean it is okay to say no.

And it really would be okay to say no to MIL, but it would be really hard. LOL!